Some "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handy (from Saturday Night Live, but I hope you knew that...)
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
for wayy more, check: http://www.cco.net/~jpete/deepthou.htm